Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Time for a Serious Post

(Warning: Soul searching may be involved)

So the whole immigration issue has exploded across the country.
Great, another divisive issue for Americans to tear each other apart over.
But it is an important issue that must be resolved somehow.
From this debate, I'll put up a question that will hopefully make everyone think a bit about this situation.

Are people fine with illegal immigration because the people coming here are primarily Mexican? Sure, they want to come here to work, and be free, while only a small percentage commit crimes, whether through malice or ignorance of the law. Some of those crimes are especially violent, and particularly heinous, but that's not the majority. So does that make it fine?

Now for the soul searching. And remember, you don't have to answer here, or anywhere. In fact, you can go ahead and bury your response deep in the recesses of your soul where the things you don't want to admit to yourself, let alone someone else, reside.

If, instead of there being twelve million illegal immigrants of Mexican origin, it was twelve million illegal immigrants of middle eastern origin, most notably those of the Muslim faith, would you still be ok with it?
Most of them would only want to come here for work, and freedom. Only a small percentage would commit crimes, some especially violent, and particularly heinous.

Would people still be clamoring for them to have a path to citizenship, so they could come out of the shadows? In doing so, becoming a strong voting bloc, of course. Perhaps taking over entire sections of large cities, where the police won't go except under extreme circumstances.

But is it alright because it's actually Mexicans coming across the border, and the majority of violent crimes they commit (not that the majority of them are criminals) occur down in the border states? As opposed to say, millions of Muslims coming across the border, where only a small percentage will commit violent crimes, but those crimes could be planned to happen anywhere in the nation, the larger the target, the greater the impact? Does the fact that the crimes are unlikely to happen to you factor into the decision?

Just something to think about.

Monday, June 28, 2010

New Collectibles!

Now, we all know that politics can be dirty business.
Whenever you get that much money and popularity mixed
together, you're bound to find an arena full of liars and cheats.
Not unlike the world of professional sports!
Some people even refer to politics as bloodsport.
Well, today we have a product for everyone that can't
get their fill of political chicanery and ridiculousness from
24-hour news channels and the internet.
That's right, taking a page out of the sports world's playbook,
we bring you, Collectible Political Cards!

(Click image to enlarge)

We have cards from all level of government to satisfy your
daily need for political outrage!
From the President, to the VP, 100 Senators, 435 Representatives,
50 Governors, big name political figures, and some of your
favorite mayors from around the country, we have them all!

These high-quality collectible cards come in packs of 15,
but order now and get your bulk order discount!
And for a limited time, with your order of 36 packs or
more, get a free "Right Wing Extremist" version of the
Barack Obama card! (seen above, bottom right)
Supplies are running out, so order now!

Friday, May 28, 2010

Hollywood Commentary

Now it's time for some enlightened commentary on the state of Hollywood, and movies in general.
As an amateur screenwriter, I find myself constantly dumbstruck at the types of movies, many large budget, that are being put out all the time. Can the people writing this stuff not come up with any original ideas? Really? Tim Burton is the only one? Sad...

I understand fads and trends come and go, then come again 20 years later (still anxiously awaiting the return of hair metal bands [Oh Scorpions, where art thou?]). Does that mean every childhood memory I and many others have must be brutally whored out in vain attempts to squeeze every last cent from a franchise? I guess I should count my blessings though, that things like Transformers, G.I. Joe, and the A-Team get made into mindlessly fun action movies, instead of getting all messed up with "messages".

But really, Marmaduke? Marmaduke. Who actually liked Marmaduke? It was kind of like Family Circus, in that you're not really sure why it stays in the newspaper comic strips for so long since it's just not funny. Also, if anyone steals my "Family Circus Movie" concept because of this blog post, I'm suing.

They can't even do Marmaduke right, though, I mean seriously, what the hell? Since when does Marmaduke talk? I've seen the previews, I've seen that big dog saying stupid crap, along with a plethora of other animals. Does every animal in movies these days need to talk? Milo & Otis didn't talk, they had Dudley Moore to do it for them. And I'm not talking about animals that are MEANT to talk (no matter how bad Underdog was, that doesn't change the fact that dog was supposed to talk). Ok, I need to stop talking about Marmaduke and the whole talking animals thing or I'm gonna go crazy. If it's gonna be a movie based on a comic strip, how about the Far Side? Sure it'd be random, but damn, I'd watch it.

Next up, who the hell is in charge of casting for action movies nowadays?
Two names specifically jump out at me, those being Ashton Kutcher and Jake Gyllenhaal.
Is this the new generation of action stars? Weep tears of sadness John McClane, for they have besmirched your genre. (Relax Die Hard, it's a metaphor. Real action heroes don't cry.)

So Ashton Kutcher is now a super spy? I'm all for suspension of disbelief, but there are limits. I like to think I'm a pretty imaginative guy, but it's still practically impossible to make that leap.

Oh, and whoever wrote the line, "Let's just say I work for blah blah blah, and they gave me a license to blah. (Kelso? Is that you? Wow, 30 years and you hardly aged at all! And you're a spy now? Amazing!)" needs to be dragged into the street and shot. I throw up a little in my mouth whenever I even think of that line.

Jake Gyllenhaal... wow, From catcher to action star in only a couple short years. I can forgive the actual making of a Prince of Persia movie. That video game series has been pretty popular for something like a decade, so it was inevitable. But to make Jake Gyllenhaal the star? He's the big box office draw? We're living in bizarro world people, watch your backs! Apparently all bets are off, and wild, crazy stuff can happen at any time.

It's things like these that almost makes me hope the world ends in 2012. Or at least the scene of Los Angeles being torn up from the movie 2012. Yes, I live in LA, but I can move away, and having to relocate is a small price to pay for Hollywood to sink into the sea. (Just kidding Hollywood! Buy my script! Then I can afford to move away!)

I don't even know where I'm going with this post anymore. I could continue ranting forever about the millions and millions of dollars spent making these atrocities, while I can't even get an agent to look at what I've written (An original idea? NO! NEVER! Get out of my office!), but I won't subject the tens of people that might read this post to such a thing.

I'll leave you one final thing. I've just now decided to shelf the project I've been working on, so I can devote my attention to something I think will get bought up immediately. What is it? Three words: Captain Planet Movie. That's right, Captain Planet Movie.

To give it maximum appeal to Hollywood types, it can be about global warming! The American kid left the group and went to work at some sleazy corporation! Without him, they can't summon Captain Planet, oh no!

Heck, funding wouldn't even be a problem to make that movie. Could partner with the Obama administration and the EPA and I bet they'd pay for everything, as long as the bad guys are known as the Global Organization for Pollution. They want to destroy the Earth and everything you hold dear, that dastardly GOP! Bring in Captain Planet to save it!

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Least Politically Correct Thing EVER

Had an idea for a sporting event. Before I continue, I know how horrible it sounds from a political correctness standpoint, but it would be a great test of morality of America and the world in general. Also, come on, just try to tell me with a straight face that you wouldn't watch every goddamn second of coverage for the...

Dwarf Olympics! (If you really want un-PC, the Oompah-lympics)
Summer and Winter versions would both have great events, even though many would need to be modified (long jump? really? hurdles? now you're just being mean).
Yes, I'm probably going to hell just for thinking of this, but would you really turn the channel away from speed skating? Ski jumping? Shotput, or even better, discus throw!

Could you really change the channel? Really?
Liars! You would watch everything from the opening ceremony to the last pole-vault (oh Lord, that one bought me a one-way ticket to perdition).
Think about it...

Saturday, February 13, 2010

Almost ready to restart this blog

So I've been working on writing a movie script, which has consumed a lot of my time, and most of my sanity. I hope to get back to actually posting on my blog soon, now that the story is done and all that remains is some formatting stuff.