Thursday, October 15, 2009

Zombie post of the day

2025, I find myself walking along a sun-parched highway. I've long since left the remains of Los Angeles behind as I head north along the coast. I notice something strange as I approach what appears to be the remains of what was once a fairly populated area. Getting closer I see two signs on the side of the road. One of the signs welcomes me to Berkeley, CA. The other sign appears to be somewhat newer and states the following:

We the people, hereby declare these rights to be inalienable to all those persons of the Zombie race. These rights shall be extended to all Zombie refugees seeking asylum within this city of Berkeley, California. Goddess willing, all Zombies around the world will be treated with respect and dignity persuant to these rights enumerated herein.

One, no Zombie shall have their freedom or activities compromised due to the unjustified and baseless fears of small minded non-Zombie individuals. While Zombies are subject to the same laws and restrictions non-Zombie individuals are, they shall not be unjustly imprisoned. Only through due process of law shall a Zombie be held accountable for their actions, the same as any non-Zombie individual.

Two, all Zombies have the right to seek sustenance in the form they see fit, be it human brains, flesh, organs or bone marrow. Any selfish non-Zombie found to be denying a Zombie their right to seek sustenance shall be prosecuted to the fullest extent the law allows.

Three, no Zombie shall be denied access to civil services, including, but not limited to, public schooling, health care, and other government services.

Four, no Zombie shall be judged by their skin color, be it gray, green, gray-green. This applies as well to those Zombies lacking skin.

Five, no employer may deny a Zombie employment due to their status as a Zombie. Reasonable accomodations must be made for any Zombie seeking gainful employment. All employers must remain in compliance with minimum wage laws to prevent the easily exploitable Zombie workforce from becoming subject to slave wages/labor.

Six, no Zombie shall be denied their right to obtain a vehicle and driver's license.

Seven, as Zombies are a protected minority within this city, any non-Zombie found to be commiting a crime directed at a Zombie shall be subject to municipal hate crime laws.

These rights are recognized for all Zombie-citizens within the city of Berkeley and any who may seek refuge here, with the exception of Zombie Reagan, who is to be brought into custody should he venture near our fair city.

A piece of torn and weathered paper is pasted at the bottom of the large sign. I can barely make out what it says, but from what I can see, it seems to read, "WANTED: Zombie Reagan; Dead or Undead. REWARD: $1,000,000".

While this is certainly an odd sight, what truly strikes me is the smell. I'd visited Berkeley once before the Zombie Apocalypse and I can't help but notice how much the odor of the town has improved since. I feel a small sense of pride at having found the answer to a question long pondered by some of the greatest minds in history. Yes, hippies do smell better as zombies.

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