Saturday, October 24, 2009

Zombie Appreciation Month is almost over

Rick Waters: Hello America, I'm Rick Waters and welcome to a very special, Election season episode of Pundit Tracker. Today we'll be examining the candidates and their recent selections for their running mates.
Well, let's get right into our Daily Pundit Panel.
With us today we have Lisa Richards, Democratic Strategist, Special Consultant with the Federal Department of Democratic Affairs, and chairperson of the National Committee for the Advancement of the Progressive Agenda. Thanks for joining us today Lisa.

Lisa Richards: Thanks Rick, it's a pleasure to be here.

Rick Waters: With us also is Allen Mohammed Waterfall Green Williamson, political activist, zombie rights advocate, best-selling author, and council member of the Society for a Fair and Free Society. Welcome back to the show Allen.

Allen Williamson: All good things, Rick, Goddess Bless.

Rick: And lastly, we have with us Franklin Jameson, conservative columnist.

Franklin: Uh, thanks Rick, it's a...

Rick: So let's get right down to it.
Yesterday was a big day for the candidates as both sides announced their choices for running mates. On the left, Candidate Zombie Roosevelt chose Senator Elaine Velasquez-Davis Goldman, and on the right, a surprise pick as Zombie Heston chose his opponent from the primaries, Zombie Reagan. Thoughts from the panel?

Lisa: Well I for one am disgusted, Rick. For the Republicans to play such bitter identity politics in their choice of what is obviously a ridiculous ploy to appeal to the Zombie population, is just outrageous. Their candidate doesn't care at all for the welfare and integration of Zombies into society as a whole.

Allen: I couldn't agree more, Rick. We at the SFFS feel that it is our duty to help real Americans see the atrocity that is Zombie Heston for what it is. A mockery of the democratic process and a stain on the soul of this country. To try to fool the people into thinking that these fearmongers are really looking out for the good of society is a joke a best. They have the gall to refer to Zombies, behind closed doors, as monsters. Well I'll tell you who the real monsters are, and that is the Republican Party!

Rick: Excellent analysis as usual from our panel. Now, the next topic is...

Franklin: Excuse me, Rick. If I could say something. First, to accuse of the Republicans of playing identity pol...

Rick: Our next topic is how you think these choices will affect the outcome of this election. Effects on voter turnout especially among the party base.

Lisa: Candidate Zombie Roosevelt has shown remarkable instincts throughout the campaign and I believe he's made an amazing pick with Senator Velasquez-Davis Goldman. Once again he's shown us all just how a Presidential campaign should work. If he had any weaknesses as a candidate, she would surely help seal the gaps, so to speak. As for Zombie Reagan, I can't help feeling like a great weight has been lifted from my shoulders. Before this pick was made, there was still the slightest chance that come November we'd actually see President Zombie Heston, but with his choice for running mate, that is plainly impossible.

Rick: Strong sentiments, Lisa. So your prediction is a landslide victory for Candidate Zombie Roosevelt?

Lisa: Absolutely, Rick. There's no doubt in my mind that come November we'll all be welcoming President-Elect Zombie Roosevelt.

Rick: Your thoughts, Allen?

Allen: We will soon bask in the glorious aura given off by the dynamic duo of President Zombie Roosevelt and Vice President Velasquez-Davis Goldman. I cannot wait for the day when I can proudly stand up and shout from the rooftops my unfettered support for their outstanding progressive agenda. To think that in only a few short years we've come so far in terms of Zombie relations, truly makes me proud to say, this is my country, and this is my President.

Rick: And how about your thoughts on Zombie Reagan?

Allen: Rick, it's perfectly fitting for those two Uncle Tombies to be together on that ticket. Even with such a diverse and open group as the Zombie race, there's bound to be some bad apples. They can both drag down the ticket, and each other back to the grave for all I care.

Franklin: Allen, did you just say Uncle Tombies?

Rick: Please wait your turn Franklin, we'll get to you in a second.

Franklin: Rick, this is outrageous! I can't believe you're going to let him throw around such racist terms without...


Rick: Sorry about that folks, it seems we're experiencing some technical difficulties with the live feed from Franklin. We'll have our technicians try to get him back before the end of the panel discussion.
Care to elaborate on that term Allen? I don't believe I've heard it before.

Allen: Of course, Rick. And to answer that wild accusation from Franklin, Uncle Tombie is in no way a racist term. It's merely a way to reference a self-hating Zombie, one who has somehow worked their way to a social status above that of the average Zombie and feels it's alright for them to turn their back on the rest of their race. Even if it were even slightly racist, then it wouldn't be as it's used not to reference the Zombie race as a whole, but instead a smaller subset that should be demonized and driven out.

Rick: Learn something new every day, I guess. Thanks Allen.
Final thoughts before we go to a short commercial break; Lisa and Allen, with the re-entry of Zombie Reagan into the election, do you predict a return of the constitutionality argument used during the primaries?

Lisa: I'll leave that one to the legal scholars, Rick. Though I'm sure the question of Zombie Reagan being able to serve again in the Executive Branch is a moot point anyway.

Allen: Consti-what? What's that, Rick? I don't get it.

Rick: We'll return with our panel after a short break.

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